N33 So There's This Girl

How long until this day is over? God, I hate my life. I hate everything in it. Nothing is going to plan.

I hate the smell of these corn dogs. I usually love corn dogs. I grab one off my lunch tray and dip it into a small, squirted puddle of ketchup I made off to the side. This is supposed to be comforting. Why ain't I comforted? My whole high school career is over.

I try to block out the roar of the whole room. The cafeteria's just a big open space, full of kids sitting at these rollaway, mobile bench tables, gabbin' on about nothing an' everything. This is the highlight of most everyone's day. They pour in through the front open doors, make their way through the lunch line, sit down in their favorite spots, an' talk about how awesome they are. That should be me.

But here I am, sittin' off to myself like some self-loathing emo kid who hates the world. I take a bite of my dog. Then I fall headfirst into the table.

I don't wanna live anymore. I just wanna go back to before I was born, an' tell my parents to never meet. The world'll be a better place.

I feel a thud from across the table. Don't even bother to look up. I know who it is.

“So how did it go?”

It's that punk, Noah. Somehow, someway, this is all his fault. It's always his fault. He's the reason my life's a mess. Ever since middle school, he's always, always, always found a way to make my life Hell, and that was before the demon thing.

With my head buried in my tray, I moan. He starts out snickering. I moan louder. Then the snicker turns into a laugh.

“C'mon, Kai,” he says. “It couldna been that bad.”

“But it was!” I cry back.

“Well what'd she say?”

“She said no; whutchu think?” I snap back as I look up to see that goofy look of surprise on his face. I can't stand this dude right now. His nappy headed afro, his plaid blue shirt – everything about him irks me.

“What?” he says all surprised like. “Noo. That doesn't make any sense. Why'd she turn you down?”

“I don't know!” I shout out, looking to the ceiling. I think I'm pretty loud, but the cafeteria's still louder. It's just a constant roar. Dozens on dozens of different conversations all merge into this one big noisy roar.

It feels like my glasses are on crooked. They also got a splotch of red from the ketchup. I take 'em off an' wipe 'em over with a napkin I nabbed from a dispenser.

“See, the problem is—and I'm sorry I gotta be the one to tell ya this—is you ain't got no game,” Noah says..

I stop mid-wipe just to look up at that smug look on his face. I'm two seconds from lightin' that afro of his on fire. “Really?” I utter. “Game? You think this boils down to my game?”

“Yeah, or, more accurately, the lack thereof.”

“Oh I got game!” I say as I swiftly put my glasses back on. “I done wrote the book on game! I got game!” Without even thinking about it, I slam my hand on the lunch table for effect.

“Since when?”

“Since forever!”

“Then tell me! Tell me how it went down. Tell me how you screwed up.”

Now I'm one second away from it. Shoot, the whole dang school can go up with it, too. Eff this dude.

But how did I screw this up? I was polite, direct, honest. Aren't those the things girls say they look for in a guy?

/*

I had just got out of homeroom. I knew me an' Octavia had our next class together, but I wanted to make sure I got there before her, so I practically ran down the hallway to get there in time.

All sortsa people were in the way. The time in between periods is always when the halls are the most dense. Kids packed up against each other, bumpin' an' pushin'. But there's a little order to it. One side is goin' downstream, the other comin' up, so people do end up gettin' where they're tryna go.

I was in a rush, so I remember makin' a few enemies as I shoved up against 'em. Think I ended up bumpin' into Chris, too.

It was all worth it, though. I caught up to Octavia just as she was leavin' the bathroom. She didn't look like she was in a rush, even though, at this point, there was only about two minutes left before the tardy bell would ring.

I stopped in my tracks, an' just stared at her for a bit as she walked down the hall. She hadn't noticed me yet, but I noticed her. I noticed her right as the bathroom door slammed behind her. Her jet, black hair was braided in a Marley twist an' worn in an updo to the left side of her head. Her dark brown skin reflected the bright, fluorescent hallway light at just the right angle, makin' her look like an angel.

She casually strolled in between the crowd. Her black laced skirt an' kimono jacket flowin' with each step. Elegant, graceful, an' full of poise. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't goin' on like some dainty, uppity lil' flower. Nah, if that were the case, I wouldna been interested. It's just that she had a way about her. There was confidence, there was strength, there was—how do I put this—it's like she was royalty.

She carried herself with her head held high. Every step she took was made with certainty. Her computer tablet in hand, backpack on her back, brown leather tote bag of a purse hangin' off her shoulder, she strut about like she was the only thing that mattered. I loved that about her. She was perfect, like she had always been. At that point, it didn't even matter who was around.

I knew it was time to make my move, but it had to be just as perfect as her. I couldn't go in all huffin' an' puffin', an' I couldn't be stumblin' over folks to get there. That'd show I was desperate. I had to play it cool.

I casually—but with a pep in my step—made my way up to her.

“Hey, Octavia!” I reached out an' touched her on the shoulder from behind.

She stopped. I'm thinkin' everything's about to be all well an' good, but when she turned around an' saw it was me, that pleasant look on her face turned sour. It was like I was irkin' her or somethin'. For a moment, I felt outta my element. I had rehearsed some conversation in front of a mirror all last night, but when I saw how bothered she was, I felt my heart sink into my stomach.

My eyes trailed down to her blouse. Not like I was tryna stare at her chest or anything. It was just a cool blouse. Golden yellow with black rose patterns all over it. What can I say? The art connoisseur in me was impressed. But the fact of the matter was, I was lookin' at her chest. As soon as I caught myself, I immediately brought my attention back to her olive colored eyes.

“How you doin'?” I asked.

“I'm alright,” she said. She turned her head away, like she was lookin' for a way out. “I'm tryin' t'get t'class right now. Whutchu need?”

“Nothin' much. I'm on my way there, too. Just wanted to know if you wanted to go out sometime. Friday maybe?”

She turned back to me with a raised eyebrow. “Out where?”

“On a date.”

“Why?”

“Because I like you; why else?”

Then she sighed. “Don't take this the wrong way, Jamal, but” she took a moment, eyes trailin' towards the ground, then back at me, “I don't really know you.”

“Yeah, yeah, that's cool. I know. But that's what the date's for. We go out, hang out, spend time with each other, an' get to know each other that way. I mean, if you got plans or somethin' that's cool. We could reschedule, but I think it'd be real cool if we – ”

*/

“No, no, no, Kai!” Noah says, throwin' up his hands like he's the one upset. The nerve of that guy. Here I am tellin' a perfectly good story, an' he goes out of his way to interrupt me. “You goofed! That's no way to ask a girl out!”

Noah's an idiot. He doesn't know what he's talkin' about half the time, an' the other half, he's makin' ish up as he goes. He moans in anguish, then slams both his hands in front of him on the table. “Ain't no game in that!”

“Will you shut up?” I say. “Everything wrong that's happened has been because of you!”

“What? Please. How is this my fault?”

“If you'd shut up an' listen, you'd hear me gettin' to that.”

He puffs up like he's about to say somethin' else. I know he wants to say somethin', but he doesn't. He lets me have the last word, then sighs as I go on with the story.

/*

I could tell that the more I was talkin', the more Octavia's mind was trailin' off. Her eyes would roll. She'd always be lookin' behind her. She'd tighten, then loosen, then tighten her grip on her tablet.

Someone she knew stopped an' gave her a look. I knew her, too. Nickie Fields. Light brown skin, black curls in a half updo. Dressed in a short-sleeved, pink, V-neck blouse with a white undershirt, an' some blue jeans.

Nickie stopped, looked over at Octavia with a raised brow. Octavia sighed, shrugged her shoulders, nodded her head, an' Nickie left. I felt so outta the loop. I don't think any of 'em are Psy's, but they might as well've been since their secret, wordless conversation was over with in a second. I think deep down, all girls are Psy's with each other. Then she turned back to me.

“No Jamal,” she continued, “I don't want to know you. Ya dig?”

Then, I guess she figured the conversation was over. She turned her back on me an' walked away. Now I'm standin' there, lookin' like a dummy. At this point, I haven't really processed it all yet. Seein' her walk off just made me think we were movin' the conversation with us. I mean, we were goin' to the same class. So I ran up behind her.

“Why not?” I asked. Oh God, thinkin' about it now, I know I came off as annoying. That ain't me. She sighed in response. I went on, “I'm smart an' handsome. You fine an' beautiful. If we got together, the whole dang school'd be like –”

“I don't give a damn about this school.”

“Fine, forget the school. Eff the school. I don't care about it, either. But you and me? Mostly you. There's gotta be—I mean—is there anything I can do to –”

“No.”

“Why not? What's wrong with me? Is it my breath? What about my looks? Do you like my clothes? Do you think I'm ugly?”

“No. No, no, no. Look Jamal, I feel for you. I really do, more than you could possibly imagine. I feel for you, but –”

Then the tardy bell rang. Most the other kids were already in class. We were with the rest of the late stragglers who couldn't get their ish together to be on time. Octavia let out this disgruntled moan masked as a sigh. We kept it movin' until we got to the doorway of the classroom.

I could tell she was really upset, but, at the time, I just didn't care. I kept pesterin' her an' pesterin' her. “Do you have a boyfriend? That's it! Of course you have a boyfriend. You taken?”

Until finally she had enough.

“Yes!” she shouted. “Yes I have a boyfriend! Now quit buggin' me, damn.”

An' it was over after that. She stormed off. Stomped herself right into class an' took her spot up at the front. So again, I'm standin' there lookin' like an idiot. The whole room was actin' like you'd expect. Octavia made it a huge scene. I was left there in the door-frame. Everyone turned to me an' looked at her. Then they did their “ooh's” an' “ahh's” an' “oh shit's” an' “oh damn's.” Snickerin' lil' hyenas. The girls an' the guys. Any sorta drama'll get them goin'.

I sorta sunk my head down into my shoulders like a turtle, tucked my hands in my pockets, an' moseyed my way to the back of the room where I spent the entirety of the class thinkin' about my situation.

*/

Lookin' up at Noah, I say, “It was the worst thing ever.” Then I take another bite of my corn dog.

“Ouch,” he says in a concerned manner. “I'm sorry man. I tried. You know I tried. I talked you up an' everything.”

“Sure you did.”

/*

I couldn't tell you what the class lecture was about for the life of me. My mind was focused entirely on her. Octavia Bishop. Damn. She was taken. I couldn't step in on someone else's girl. It'd be disrespectful.

Before I knew it, the bell rang, an' class was over. I didn't even hear what the teacher said the homework assignment was. I looked down at my digital sheet of paper an' the only notes I saw were scribbly lines. I looked around the class to see if I could find Lynn. She's usually on it when it comes to school, notes, an' the like. Imagine my surprise when I didn't see her.

Was she out sick? Come to think about it, I still haven't seen her pink haired self today.

In any case, after getting the assignment from another person in the class, I decided to catch up with Octavia. I had to make it right with her. At the very least, I needed to apologize. Show her how noble an' respectable I am. Who knows? Maybe, I'd be plantin' the seeds for a relationship later on after she dumps whatever lame she's with.

I saw her by her locker, off to herself. I walked up to her. It's all casual. No game involved. Just real talk.

“Hey Octavia,” I said.

“Oh God,” she moaned.

“Nah, it ain't e'en like that. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.”

“Okay, cool. We done?”

“You not gonna forgive me?”

“Sure, Jamal. I forgive you.”

“A'ight then. That means we cool, right?”

“Sure.”

“Good, good.” I leaned my back against the locker an' crossed my arms. “So who is this other guy?”

“Fo' real?”

“Nah, I'm cool with you seein' him. I ain't tryna make a move on you or nothin'. Ain't nothin' like that goin' on. I'm just curious.”

“It ain't none of yo' business, doe.”

“I know, I know. I was just askin' a question. Is that alright? You don't even gotta answer. That's yo prerogative.”

She slammed her locker shut, then smirked as she turned to look at me. “It's Noah.”

“What!?”

*/

“What!?” Noah exclaims, spittin' out the milk he was just gulpin' down.

“Yeah, you,” I say to him again.

“Kai, you gotta believe—you can't believe—I would never –”

“This whole thing is your fault.”

“But that's just not –”

“Calm down, an' let me finish.”

/*

She chuckled, an' said, “Bye Jamal,” as she started to walk away.

“Hol' up one second!” I said as I grabbed her.

Her smile quickly faded as her eyes looked down at my hand grippin' her wrist. “Alright, you're gonna let go of me right now before somethin' ends up happenin'.”

I looked down. The situation was awkward. I was upset. She was upset. I think I saw some shadows or somethin' move around behind her an' next to me. We stood there against each other for a second. Then I let go of her arm, held my hands up beside me, an' backed up a step. The shadows on the floor faded away. I thought they were her doing. Didn't wanna start nothin' too serious, so I let out a sigh to calm myself down.

“I'm sorry,” I said. Another quiet, awkward moment. Then I asked, “So it's Noah? Really?” I stroked my chin, as my mind wondered what she—or better yet, any girl—could possibly see in him. Since knowing him, she'd be the third—the third—girl he hooked up with. It just didn't make no sense. “What is it about him?” I asked.

“Oh my Gawwwwd!” she exclaimed as she fell back onto her locker. “Jamal, I feel sorry for you. You know what my ST is? It's empathy. You know how telepaths pick up on people's thoughts? I pick up on feelings. So all this false bravado maskin' your insecure feelings of self-worth is really too much for me right now, so I'mma be straight with you.”

“Insecure? What in the –”

“Shuddup an' listen. First off, I'm not with Noah.” She waved her finger at me in a “matter of fact” typa way. “That lame negro's been tryna pawn me off on you for the past two weeks! I thought I saw somethin' in him, but when it got down to it, he's jus' another one of them dudes out there in the game tryna get with any lil' Ms. Thang with wide hips an' a heavy chest. He ain't shit.”

I shrugged my shoulders an' stepped back, almost reflexively. My eyes trailed down to the floor. I saw those shadows again. Didn't make sense the way they were movin'. The light wasn't shinin' the way it needed for them to be cast the way they were.

She went on, “An' neither are you! I mean, fo'real. Why I gotta tell you that I'm with some otha dude jus' t'get you t'back off? Is that what you see me as? Property for you or some otha man to own? It ain't like that, homie. I'm an actual, free thinkin' human being. What I want and don't want should matter jus' as much as some made up boy. Bet you was thinkin' you was real mature with yo halfhearted apology an' all. Take that apology an' shove it!”

By now, her outburst drew the attention of everyone. Students from all over started to slow down as they walked past us. They'd stop their conversations, an' cock their heads in our direction. I tried to put on a smile to hide my embarrassment.

“An' the nerve of you—both of you—literally callin' dibs—on me! What if I really did hook up with Noah? What then? I'm not supposed to give him a chance because you two had it worked out some otha way? My opinion, my feelings, my choice automatically gets bumped because of that? Are you serious?”

I felt my face turnin' a bright red. It was the most embarrassing moment I've ever had in my life.